A poll- & 5 weeks pregnant

Our baby is the size of a single sesame seed right now...
5 weeks pregnant and counting down 7 days until the 6 week mark and my first ultrasound... YAY for time going by and all seemingly ok (please God). It's kind of weird... Besides having sore boobs, I really don't have any symptoms. I find myself hoping I am queasy at moments (which I know if I get hit with morning sickness I will fully regret- I prayed for boobs when I was 11, now I wish I had a bit less in that department). Stupid "what to expect, when you're expecting' says something along the lines of if you have morning sickness it means the pregnancy is going well, and studies show the worse the better... so of course now I want to be sick. (I really don't- but you know my thinking, I want signs that this pregnancy is going well).
I am on take-a-picture mission with Eric over the next week. If everything at our u/s looks ok we are telling my parents on Saturday. The u/s is on Friday, which is my mom's birthday- and my dad's birthday is the following Monday- so we are getting together with them on Saturday to celebrate their birthdays and to have their "Mortgage Dinner Party"- they paid it off and are so super excited, and I am proud of them... we have been through some things in the past (2 kids in college, job lay-offs) that this is so great!
So the choices for telling them are similar, but different

WHICH DO YOU LIKE BETTER???- both will be frames wrapped up as a joint birthday present (I want to film their reaction)

1) Do the baby poem in a frame (along with u/s picture if i get one, without if not)

I do not have a face to see,
Or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss.
I don't yet have a name.

Not yet can you hold my tiny hands,
Nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
Or cuddle me so near.

But all that will change come this October;
When they say I am due.
I am your newest grandchild;
And I can't wait until I meet you!

All I ask between now and then
Is your love for me to grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait;
Just think of all the joy we'll know!

So as you're waiting patiently,
Please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
Of this wonderful family!

2) if there is time by next weekend- order personalized fortune cookies, sneak them to the restaurant, and ask the waiter to serve them.
not sure what I would write on them-
Carly & Eric are having a baby!
or something

3) Do the dual frame where there is a picture of Eric and I in one side, and the other side is Mastercard themed...
"Picture Developing, $0.50"
"Frame, $20.00"
"Realizing there are 3 people in this picture, Priceless!"

and in order to do option 2- i need a pic of Eric and I from after our BFP... so here is one I have, and there are a couple nights out this week where hopefully I can get some more so I have options- although I like this picture., I don't love it- but it'll do if we get nothing else... it is sad that we are going out to dinner on Monday and I may set up the tripod to take some pics LOL

Viability Ultrasound

what a scary way to put it... but that is how it is written on my prescription- reading it was enough to make me cringe because the whole question of viability makes me so scared.

So that is the next mini-milestone. Make it to our viability ultrasound and pray everything looks good (maybe a heartbeat- although I know it is awfully early for that, fetal pole, sac, yoke sac, all that good stuff). That will be 10/17- so 10 days to go until the next mini milestone.

As of a couple days ago, I have officially missed my period- i think i may stop peeing on sticks soon (i am almost out and the line is gettting very very dark, so i think i will pee on my last 2 over the next week and then nothing until the u/s).

Still praying hard and hoping this little one sticks!

A good weekend...

This weekend marked our annual weekend in Baltimore, MD- it was our 9th year in a row going the 1st weekend in October. We started dating in 1999 in Washington DC (where we were in school) and for our 1 yr anniversary decided to go to Baltimore for the night, just to change things up. Well, lo and behold we stumbled upon the Fells Point Fun Fest- which is basically an enormous street fair, eating festival, and drinking binge on the water in Baltimore. Tons of good crab stuff (softshell, crabcakes, crab balls, you name it), cheap drinks, lots of cheasy stuff to buy- and just a lot of fun. So my husband and I have gone every year

I will say- the fun fest, is not as fun when you are not drinking- the one thing I will say is that in the 9 years we have gone, things have pretty much stayed exactly the same- so it's not like there was any new shopping to do. But- I am not at all complaining, it just made me realize what the fun fest was really about to us in the past LOL. Eric told me I was designated eater- and I tried to live up to that, I really did- the food is SOOOO good, but they had less this year- I missed my grilled corn on the cob, and this was the year I was actually going to buck up and try a fried twinkie (even though I don't even like them unfried- but they also used to have fried oreos and I was going to try something darnit!). But we had fun- I love that we have a little tradition of our own that is close by and not breaking the bank. It was not bad not drinking, I think it was just annoying at some points to be with a drunk man (who would inevitably throw in comments like "you shouldn't crave pickles and ice cream, you should crave things like cock and splooge"- LOVELY , really...)

So we are back and we had a great time.

On the PG front- well we passed a milestone. Yesterday was the same DPO that I first got my BFN before I started bleeding for the last BFP. My line on the FRER was darker then ever yesterday- so we are already looking up! Tomorrow marks the day I bled, so when we get past that I will be happy as well- then we are completely further than last time which in itself will give me comfort. I posted on the success after a loss board, even though I felt fraudulent posting there, I just wanted some ideas on how to get past the fear. One of the girls suggested set mini milestones- so I have been. We just passed the first one (still having a BFP when I had a BFN last time). My next milestone is 5 weeks (next Friday!)

My ob/gyn won't do a beta blood test for me, which frustrates me, but whatever- I have decided to be over it... she did say she would write me a script for and early u/s. Shows how much I know- I thought the appt. I made with the office for 10/20 was for an u/s and such- it was just for my 1st prenatal appt. I guess it's learn as you go that these things are not the same. So I am going to schedule my u/s for either Friday 10/17 or Saturday 10/18 (if I can find a place that does Saturday appt). My Dr. said to schedule it for before my 1st appt with her so she can have the results before we meet. I wish all of this was happening just a little bit later because I would LOVE to see a heartbeat, and 6 weeks exactly borderline when you can see it- and I would rather go in a little bit later to prevent myself from freaking out if we don't see it. On the otherhand, we see my parents and my sister on Sat 10/18- so if the u/s goes well and everything looks as it should- then we are going to tell them!

so that is what's up over here, hope all is well with you ladies

OMG!!! A secret & a prayer

BFP !!!!!
The picture above is how I told DH this time... I hid that package under the pile of mail for him to find when he came home from work. Needless to say we are both ecstatic- but scared out of our mind. The gift is a book for Daddy's pregnancy survival. I wanted to get "My Boys Can Swim" but the bookstore didn't have it, and this was really cute reading when I flipped through it.





I am so nervous it is going to be like last time since I got the BFP so early- but I feel a little more confidant because even though a line is a line, last time I never had a line like these

And just to prove I am a psychotic POASaholic- here is what I have done the past 2 days (there is a digital missing from the picture).




My Prayer
I pray multiple times a day for a healthy baby, healthy pregnancy, healthy delivery. Now my prayer has a 'thank you for this miracle' added to it, but is still pretty much the same- Please God let this baby stick and be healthy and let me have a healthy pregnancy and delivery.


I am SOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!

10dpo

it's funny- I was reading back through my old posts around the time of my c/p- and I read my advice to "never test early" and that you "will never see me saying should i test" and wanting to test early

BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah right- I wish I kept that mentality, kind of funny reading back what a hypocrite I am- but I guess in those posts was the grief talking, and now I am back to my impatient, optimistic self.

So we shall see... I want to hold out, but at the same time I bought these internet cheapies to allow myself to give into the POAS urge and not be wasting money.

My name is Carly, and I am a POASaholic- (I have been in denial, this is the 1st step!)

Knock on wood... but

today I actually feel like a normal person again.

I have not really blogged about the hives issues I am having- actually, sometimes it seems silly to blog at all because my only readers are girls I 'talk' to all the time anyway and they know this stuff. But it is cathartic to write it all out, and then I am not such an AW or whatever if I write here...

but anyway

I have been breaking out into hives DAILY since July 26th-28th (I can't pinpoint the exact day, but I went to my parents house on July 31st, had a break out, my mom freaked thinking it was the lobster I ate, and I remember reassuring her that I had been getting them for a couple days already and it was not an allergic reaction to the lobster).
Even in San Diego I had hives, although not nearly as bad as they are at home. But at home I have some days where it is an annoyance, and some where I want to scratch until my skin bleeds.
After we returned from vacation I called multiple dermatologists for an appointment- so many said they couldn't see me for a month or even more. I finally found one to take me within 5 days. I went to see this dermatoligist- and I cannot tell you how much I loved her. She wrote me a script for allegra, told me it is a 24 hr pill but I could take it twice a day if I felt like I needed it, and we would follow up in 3 weeks b/c that is when the magic 6 week mark would hit. For hives- 6 weeks is the time mark where it goes from accute to chronic- who knows why that is the time limit, but it is.
So we hit the 6 week mark, and I went into the dermatologist. She removed my bumps on my head (totally unrelated to hives but YAY for that anyway). It was a weird procedure because it was only local numbing so I was awake, could see the bloody gauze as they carried it away, and could hear/smell them catarizing my skin to seal up the blood vessels. We discussed my hives and I am so proud of myself for advocating- she switched me from allegra to zyrtec because allegra is category C while zyrtec is category B- so YAY. Now I don't have to feel guilty medicating myself for this while ttc. I also had bloodwork taken, and a few days later, I got a call from the dermatologist with a diagnosis-
Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
YAY a diagnosis- WTF does it mean? It means we have no fucking clue why you have hives but you do... I am relieved that all my bloodwork came back normal, but no explanation for the hell I have been living with is unacceptable to me.
So now I have an appointment with an allergist October 6th. Yet another day off of work for this crap, and I am really, really dreading the days before the appointment b.c I am not allowed to take antihistimines for 4 days before the appt if I want allergy testing done (which is the whole point). I am going to die.

In any case- the good news is I have been googling, this is common enough to have a lot of online threads, blogs etc, about it. I was able to see what had and had not worked for people. lot of people said in addition to zyrtec, they take a heart burn pill such as zantac, because it attacks a different type of histimine in the body then zyrtec. I started this combo last night, and again this morning- and I have a couple itchy spots on my calves, but that is it.
So here is to hoping this helps me out, and to praying I make it through the wait for the allergist. At least that appt. is on a Monday so I can be home and not at work for a couple of the days.


TTC front- 8dpo, cheapy HPTs came in mail... now i know why they were so cheap, but hey- at $0.40 a pop I am not going to complain. BFN, big surprise huh? So tonight I am going to enjoy some cocktails at our friends wedding, and I won't be testing again until October (sounds so far, but Oct1 is 12dpo, I think I will wait until 14 dpo though :)

crosshairs baby

booooooo-ya

and now the 2ww, finally :)

my hopes are middle/low for this cycle. While rationally they should be good since we had sex 3,2,1 day before o and morning of temp rise and used preconceive- we missed sex on o day and i was d-r-y-dry down there from the antihistimines. But we gave it what we got and hopefully it is good enough- I am soo stinking happy to be in the 2ww :)

and on that note- I also ordered 50 HPTs from the web for 20 bucks. Excessive I know- but it will allow me to test at 8dpo without feeling like not just an ass, but an ass who wastes money. And before my forties tell me not to do it- I KNOW it will be a BFN, i know that i could still be pg that day, but we are going to a wedding, the test cost less than 50 cents each, and just to humor myself and feel ok about a couple cocktails, I am going to do it :)

MUAH