Weary

I am having such a rough time of motherhood lately. Everyone says that at the 3 month mark things get easier- I feel like that is the standard answer to when life falls into place and you are functional again. Well 2 months old was much easier for me than 3 months.
The Good:
Every day is more fun than the last. My little guy's personality is emerging and he is a sponge soaking up everything he can see and trying something new every day. It is amazing to see him grow stronger and smarter daily. It is amazing to look at him and know he grew inside of me. His smiles and laughs melt my heart.

The Bad:
I don't know if I was spoiled by sleep- but for the past 6 weeks B has slept from 8:30 - 7:30 only waking once between 3-4 am to eat. I was a human, I was functioning, I was pleasant to be around. Now he is sleeping from 8:30-7:30 and waking sometimes at 11ish, and nightly at 1:30 and 4:30. I am miserable. I keep questioning everything. Is it because we dropped the swaddle? I dont think so because he had 3 nights of 8 hr stretches since then. Is it an ear infection because he just got over a cold? Is it a growth spurt- but do they really last 9 nights and counting?
Is he really hungry? He seems to be ravenous- but then people tell me I am screwing myself and he is going to get used to eating at these times and will never sleep. And that babies always eat (I would think if he wasn't hungry he would comfort nurse and pass out in 5 minutes- but what do I know)
Am I screwing myself by feeding him? I don't try rocking him first- it is just so much easier to nurse and put him right back down than to try soothing him without, but am I screwing myself so that the only way he will go back to sleep is to nurse? But he really is eating. sigh- it is a vicious cycle with no frigging answer.
I want to look presentable every day (more than just a brush through the hair and a fleece)
I want to cook dinner every night
I want to sleep
I wanr to feel like I know what I'm doing
I want to function again...

My big boy

not the most exciting of videos, but i love it just to see him growing into this little person. A week ago all he would dois sit and stare in this thing, it is amazing how fast he is growing developmentally to want to play




I was going to write a whole post about B quitting sleep- seriously he was sleeping like a newborn (up every 2-3 hrs) for the past week after consistently only waking once around 3-4am. Last night he was back to normal, woke at 4, so here's hoping that was a growth spurt and is over now.

Happy 3 monthday Brooks!

"HOORAY, I'm 3 months old!!"


There is no 3 month Dr. appt so we are on our own for stats. We measured his head at 16.5", his length at 25" (WOW) and I will get his weight on Monday when I go to my moms group at the hospital because there is a baby scale there. He is definitely so much bigger. He has become a baby baby rather than a newborn. People don't make comments about how new he is anymore, just about how huge and gorgeous his eyes are :)

Here are the monthly shots

This one I envision him saying "This guy again mom?!?!"



The obligatory chair shot (which is now also on the side of the page)



Very happy and excited about being 3 months old :)




And just to show how big he really has become- look at him compared to the monkey in the following shots, 1 month vs. 3 month





And in other news- We are getting ready for his Baptism. I ordered his outfit which is a little nontraditional, but I love. I will post pics once it arrives and I do his little photo shoot (I figure I better get some good pictures of him in it and I can't count on that for day of). My invitations just went out for it- it is only going to be our immediate family and local aunts/uncles.
The outer edge is a baby blue


TOYS WE LOVE

He looooves his puppy blanket


The infamous Sophie the giraffe, which to me looks more like a glorified dog toy but is worshiped all along the bump, so when I returned something to Gap and they had it there (weird?) I figured why not.


His hands count as a toy

And this is a new toy that he loves and I would highly recommend to other moms because he can actually get a grip on it so that he can put it right in his mouth

well that was depressing

Thank you Shan and Mary for the comments on B's name- I really needed the reassurance (even though I love it, I just don't want him to hate us)

The boy is doing well. We just made it through our first illness- Eric got a cold, B caught it, then me. Low fevers, awful congestion, and no sleep- but we made it through and the little guy is better now. I cannot tell you how exhausting it is to be sick, take care of a sick child, BF, and not be able to take good meds b/c you are BF'ing... WOW

In other news- last night B slept 8.25 hrs!!! And that was unswaddled- we broke it and he is doing well YAY!!!

I have book club on Thursday- I am sooo excited to go, have some wine, and just have a night off. I am very nervous about how my boys will do doing the whole bedtime routine without me. I know Eric can handle B and they will do great, but he has always nursed right before sleep and we have a routine, and I have control issues- so naturally I am nervous.

We just came in from a walk to the dog store, post office, and maybe a milkshake. I skipped my boob group today because even though we are both better today, B was sleepign (a 3 hr nap!) and I wanted him to have one more day of rest before being exposed to other kiddos (and before exposing other kiddos to him).

And last but not least- some pictures of my favorite boy.

BFF's

B's name...

I LOVE the name Brooks- I really really do. I think it is unique without being crazy, kind of preppy, and just all around a great name to grow into.
But now, 12 weeks in, I am beginning to get frustrated about it. So many people just hear Brooke, and think girl. Even my MIL keeps slipping and saying Brooke. The poor kid... did we screw him for life?. Someone asked me last weekend, so are you going to call him Brooke or Brooks? ummmm WTF? An older woman asked his name and then nodded and said oh, what's his middle name.

I still LOVE the name- that has not changed, but I hope my little boy grows to love his name too. Almost any name can be turned to the opposite gender. Carly can become Carl, Eric -- Erica, Brooks- Brook. I knew that that could be an issue going in... but i figured no matter what name you have, if kids want to pick on you, they will pick on you. but I am just so sick of people we know and are close to f'ing it up.

My boy is a man's man already

seriously- he is already such a boy! Laughing at his own gas while ironically wearing a Mr. Charming shirt.