I am feeling better :)

I am feeling much better about my registry. I am still overwhelmed, but I figure no first time mom knows exactly what they need. A lot of friends with kids, and the book Baby Bargains have helped me- so my registry should be 'done' by the end of this weekend. "It is what it is" (my least favorite phrase, but so true!). The only thing I am unsure of is whether or not to register for things like clothes, blankets, towels. Everyone says you get those things, but with a 'surprise' baby, do you? Amazingly my dad is one of the people who made me feel a lot better- he said 'as long as the kid isn't bleeding or broken, you're doing alright'. And he is totally right- the baby einstein or the FP rainforest jumparoo is not going to change anything in the long run.

Very exciting news- my sister made the find of the year when she found a Morigeau half dresser with changing table attachment on top, in antique white, pickup only about 10 miles from our house. What a find!!! I mean the chances of someone having our color, and our line, and being local is amazing. The woman initially wanted to sell crib/changing table, and my sis emailed her and arranged to buy just the table. She is amazing! I mentally wrote it off as a lost cause of getting a changing table, but my sis takes things like that as a challenge and she found it, arranged everything, and paid for it for me! (I paid her back LOL).
So tomorrow we get to go pick it up- we will officially have our first piece of nursery furniture- I think that will really inspire me to get stuff out a little sooner.

In baby news- I am still feeling good. But I do feel completely robbed by this anterior placenta thing. I am feeling the baby more and more now, and I hope it stays this way (this happend a week and a half ago and then s/he must have moved because I felt nothing for a few days). I am dying for Eric to be able to feel something. There have been a few times I think something was strong enough to feel from the outside, but of course you can't feel it after the fact so who knows- I just know he will be so excited.

He was so sweet after the registry debacle. The guy even asked some women at his work about different bottle brands and everything. He came home traumatized after a coworker told him to compare my nipples to the bottle nipples and pick the one most like mine. I wonder if he will ever ask a question again. He also came home telling me we need 2 diaper pails, one for up and one for downstairs, and that I need to buy lingerie bags and fill them with coffee grinds to put in the diaper pails. I am totally falling in love with him in a different way seeing him do this- it is really adorable, and I can tell he is excited and this is more real to him now then it was 2 months ago. That is why I can't wait for him to feel the little one.

And as many of you know- my struggle of the week is my MIL and what the baby will call her. She left a message saying she was thinking Nana or Bubby. Well Eric has called me bub, bubby for years- and my mom is going to be Nana. And yes- 2 Nanas is not the worst in the world, but I won't have it. Call me immature or whatever, but she is a trial, a thorn in my ass, can be cruel, etc. The name nana is special to me, it will mean a lot to my mom, and I won't share it. The problem is her mother was a Nana to eric. I said- then we should follow traditions, mother of the baby's mom gets to be nana, and father of the baby's mom gets to be grandma. (Since she calls her ex-MIL a bitch- which she totally isn't- that reasoning might not fly).
So I don't know how to break it to her without a flip out about how its not fair, and maybe its not- but neither is what I have been through with her so I am putting my foot down.
The lovely Kat had a great idea about buying her a onesie with I love Grandma on it. We told her we were expecting by giving her a cake that said "congrats grandma". So maybe if for mothers day we write a card to grandma, and give her i loe grandma stuff- we can make 'grandma' a special name without ever having to have a throw down. The only concern is that is letting this fester for 2.5 more months- and if she is discussing this with her friends now, as she said in her message, it could mean trouble.

No matter - it is a minute issue, and will resolve itself one way or another- if she throws a tantrum, her loss because I won't deal with it now, otherwise she'll just go with it. But I def. think wooing her with grandma instead of saying no to nana is the way to go!

Oh my... no words

can describe my day. I spent the day registering with my mom and sister, and now feel promptly like I need to get really drunk, or go to sleep and wake up like today never happened. It was horrible- just completely overwhelming. I have no idea what to get, the Babies R Us's selections were awful compared to what i had found that I liked online, and I left feeling like we spent hours getting nothing accomplished. I think the reason I feel like crying/screaming/etc is because if I can't even pick out a dumb bottle or bathtub, how the heck am I going to take care of a little kid???
I think I need to step far far away from it and go back to it when I am a little less overwhelmed.

Additionally why does today suck? Today was my due date. I am thrilled for Lester, and excited, but it stings a lot to think that I would have had a baby any day now.

And the good news- we passed Viability day. Our baby could be saved if God forbid, preterm labor occurred. There would be a long journey, and lots of health issues- but our baby is now viable. (YAY!).

I am up at my parents- so that is all I can say for now. I may lay down, or cry, or something- I cannot believe how overwhelming today way. Registering sucks my ass.
Also- anyone have any thoughts on Avent vs. Dr. Browns? Tub Shapes? anything? grrr

V-day and some Belly Pics

Happy Valentine's Day!!!! (yesterday).
Eric and I had a nice day... we grabbed some lunch and relaxed during the day. Then we went to Le Bec Fin for dinner- it was seriously fabulous, but I don't think I would go back. The food was superb, but we paid double what we would have at any other seriously nice/fancy restaurant. I also got annoyed at the service- which is supposed to be exceptional. At a place that cost that much we shouldn't have to wait to transfer a tab, or ask for water to be refilled multiple times. Totally trivial complaints, and not something I expect everywhere I go- but there, definitely. The food seriously was delicious though. They have a dessert cart with about 12 different desserts an you can have as much of whatever you want- so I had a plate with 8 tiny slices of heaven on it to pick at. YUMMMM

I have not done a belly pic in a while- here are my 23 week pics,

beware, I even did a bare belly. You can tell I don't let this sucker out much by the pasty whiteness. I figure I will have wanted one before the evil stretch marks that I can tell are on the way, actually show up in full force.

22 week checkup

I had my monthly checkup today. It went really really well. My weight is up 2 lbs from my 18 weeks checkup. (so total I am up 1 from 6 weeks, or up 4 from 8 weeks- I really don't know what to use as the starting weight). My blood pressure was 120/70. It has been so long since i had a good number right off the bat when I got in that I was happy. Urine tested clear, heartbeat was fine, uterus was measuring about 23 weeks (and since I am really 22.5 weeks that is great).
All in all- everything is as it should be.

I was a little sad that she didn't have my u/s results. I guess things never get where they need to- but when I asked if I would have heard if something was up, she said that she would have been called while they still had me at the scan and I would def know- so between that, and the u/s dr saying all is well, I am resting easy about that.

And the best news- I was really nervous about maternity leave. I am going to take time off next school year. Who knows how much, preferably the entire year but I don't want to commit to that in this economy and I want to leave my options open. So with taking next year off, and being due with only 2 working days left in the year, I really want to stop working at 35-36 weeks. Whatever my sick time will cover for this school year. That way I get paid for the full school year- and next year I am out regardless, so it doesn't matter.
I didn't know if it would be possible to stop that early- but my DR said she would write me a note for whenever I was ready!!! I am soo thankful for that. The idea of being home that last month, and of not having a 40 mile commute, is heaven!

I want a cigarette...

So today it was about 60 degrees out, beautiful, the kind of day in the past I would get a cup of coffee from starbucks, throw on a fleece, sit outside with a book, and let the dog run around while i read, drank coffee, and had a cigarette or two.
I have never been a smoker smoker- it was never a daily thing, only every once in a while. Just a beautiful day thing, stress thing, happy hour thing, social thing. I would go days or weeks without a cigarette, it was something I indulged in periodically.

So today I was driving home, windows partway down, beautiful crisp air, and this craving hit sooo suddenly. My first, OMG I MUST HAVE THIS craving, and what is it for... a damn cigarette.

Don't worry- I didn't get one, and I don't need to be talked out of it- I wouldn't have one. I don't need to be lectured on the habit- I know it is gross/unhealthy/cancer on a stick and all that. But I won't lie- I enjoyed them occasionally in the past. It just really stunk for my first legitimate craving to be for something I can't possibly even contemplate having

:)

Having a hard time...

Before I post I want to just say, that I am praying for these ladies I am posting about here, and I am asking forgiveness for being selfish and making this about me.
This week was a rough week on the 2nd Tri boards. There was a girl who slipped on the ice, went into preterm labor, and delivered her baby at 21 or 22 weeks pregnant. The baby did not make it. There was another girl who gave birth at 24 weeks, her baby girl is in the NICU and in my thoughts and prayers- that little girl has a long road ahead, but there was hope in this poster's tone that things will be ok. Today, another woman posted about her little girl's big u/s follow up, and a heart defect that may mean the baby will not even make it to birth, and if so will need open heart surgeries (plural), and she sounded so lost and confused.
I am thinking of and praying for all these women and their babies this week. It breaks my heart and I just think about how unfair it is.

This stuff has also been causing me some anxiety attacks and pretty bad dreams. I used to hate the 1st tri board b.c of all the miscarriages, which are so much more devastatingly common than anyone realizes (again- so not fair for someone to experience that pain). My relief at entering 2nd tri was a little slow coming, but it came. 2nd tri was a happy and safe place to be. (I know things happen- but you know what I mean). And suddenly- all this tragedy, it just reminds me how vulnerable we really are, how out of control we really are, and it scares me.

So to these ladies- you are in my thoughts and prayers. And to my baby- you are always in my prayers as well little one- we love you so much already.

a non-baby related post...

I have noticed some people seem a little distanced from my baby related info, not commenting or posting or what not- so here is a non baby related post.

I am cleaning out the office- I have cataloged over 630 books- probably 600 of which are paperbacks. The question is what to do with them.

Option A- I tried contacting used book stores. I was told for paperbacks they offer between 10-25 cents, sometimes 50 cents. One store told me which books they were interested in- which was all of 60, so what- max I could get is $30 and then I would be left with 580 books? Or even if I could get some place to take them all- I might make 60 bucks total on all of them if I only get 10 cents a book. So I already am thinking option A is out.

Option B- I do have a few things that I think I could successfully sell on ebay- I have the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich, all the books 1-13. I have 22 JD Robb ...In Death books, and I have a ton of other books grouped by author that I could try to sell in lots. The problem with that is- how long will it take me to sell 600+ books, and is the money I would make worth the effort

Option C- Just get them out of the house and donate them to the library. I can get a receipt for how many books I donated- then at 7-8 bucks a book there is a charitable donation of 4200-4800 dollars, we can write that off in taxes and that would actually be a pretty significant amount, and they would all be out of the house at once and immediately.

Option D- Try doing option B (EBay) for the groups I know would sell, and do Option C for everything else. Sounds good, but again - takes time.