I am having such a rough time of motherhood lately. Everyone says that at the 3 month mark things get easier- I feel like that is the standard answer to when life falls into place and you are functional again. Well 2 months old was much easier for me than 3 months.
The Good:
Every day is more fun than the last. My little guy's personality is emerging and he is a sponge soaking up everything he can see and trying something new every day. It is amazing to see him grow stronger and smarter daily. It is amazing to look at him and know he grew inside of me. His smiles and laughs melt my heart.
The Bad:
I don't know if I was spoiled by sleep- but for the past 6 weeks B has slept from 8:30 - 7:30 only waking once between 3-4 am to eat. I was a human, I was functioning, I was pleasant to be around. Now he is sleeping from 8:30-7:30 and waking sometimes at 11ish, and nightly at 1:30 and 4:30. I am miserable. I keep questioning everything. Is it because we dropped the swaddle? I dont think so because he had 3 nights of 8 hr stretches since then. Is it an ear infection because he just got over a cold? Is it a growth spurt- but do they really last 9 nights and counting?
Is he really hungry? He seems to be ravenous- but then people tell me I am screwing myself and he is going to get used to eating at these times and will never sleep. And that babies always eat (I would think if he wasn't hungry he would comfort nurse and pass out in 5 minutes- but what do I know)
Am I screwing myself by feeding him? I don't try rocking him first- it is just so much easier to nurse and put him right back down than to try soothing him without, but am I screwing myself so that the only way he will go back to sleep is to nurse? But he really is eating. sigh- it is a vicious cycle with no frigging answer.
I want to look presentable every day (more than just a brush through the hair and a fleece)
I want to cook dinner every night
I want to sleep
I wanr to feel like I know what I'm doing
I want to function again...
Pool pics
8 years ago
6 comments:
Sweetie--I could have written this post myself. I too have no answer and have this same internal dialogue with myself about Gabriella. The only thing I can say is that you can only get through it one day at a time and stop trying to make sense of it, b/c there is nothing to make sense of. These babies are going to do whatever they want to do whether or not we make sense of it. You are doing great though, just keep hangin in there and take it one day at a time. That's what I'm trying to do.
Love you! Hugs!
I'm sorry I have no advice, but that is one big boy you've got there! I can't believe how much he's grown!
I also dont have advice but wanted to tell you that I know you're doing a great job and even if things seem tough now, they will get better. I know you can do this and we are all here to support you!
Man I can't tell you how much I relate to this post. I'm sorry to say I'm 7 months in and still question everything I do. Motherhood is full of decisions and I SUCK at decisions.
I don't think you are screwing yourself by feeding him, it sounds like he is genuinely hungry and wants to eat. I know it feels hopeless right now, but I promise things get better, then you go through a hard time, then they get better and the cycle continues.
Just know you're not alone hun!
I remember people telling me I shouldn't feed Lyla in the middle of the night but I could hear her stomach growling when she was eating. Babies go through phases, I know it sucks but he'll sleep longer when he's ready. We're back to one night waking and as much as I hate it I know she's hungry. Ditto what the girls have said, it doesn't make sense and just when you think you've got a pattern they change it up on you. Hang in there and ease up on yourself!!
I think you are doing just what your mother's intuition is telling you and that is just fine. He might be going through a growth spurt. Who knows. Screw others who say to do this or that. Only you and H know your baby boy the best.
E is right, could just be a phase. Hopefully not a long one though. GL!
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