My boy is a man's man already

seriously- he is already such a boy! Laughing at his own gas while ironically wearing a Mr. Charming shirt.

My most favorite boy...

I know most of you have seen this picture either on facebook or as my sig pic, but I still have to put it here... I LOVE this stage. Suddenly Brooks is smiling at everything and chattering up a storm. It is amazing how much fun he is getting and how I love him more and more even though it seems impossible. A week ago the smiles were more rare and I was agonizing over catching a good one on camera. Well- I think it succeeded. And I also think my little boy is blessed to have inherited his daddy's gorgeous smile. Eric's best feature is his smile- it is huge and handsome. I soo hoped our baby would get it, and I think he did

Thinking about smiling



Smiling


Laughing

Rough weekend...

Brooks was an angel- and that was the only saving grace for this weekend. If he was fussy I don't know how I would have made it through

Friday we had to rush Ming to the vet because I came home to vomit everywhere- which included corn cob, so she had to get xrays to make sure there was no obstruction. Thank God there wasn't- but we are not out of the woods yet because any cob left in her system could still get stuck as it travels through, so the vet said we have to watch her for a couple of weeks (weeks!).
Then later Friday night we took Brooks down the shore for the first time. We got down around 9pm and stayed over, because Saturday was shell day- a tradition in Eric's family that his parents started. They paint shells every summer with their grandchildren, then frame one shell by each person in a shadowbox and write their age next to their shell. This is the 7th year of them doing it, and we participated so that B would make the wall. They went all out this year and had "shell day 2009" t-shirts made for everyone- it was like a major holiday that only we knew about LOL
meeting his cousins for the first time- all in their shell day tshirts (yes the adults had shirts too)

B in the onesie I made him so he wasn't left out of the shell day spirit

So on Saturday- as the shell day festivities were about to begin I broke out into the worst allergic reaction I have ever had- we still don't know what caused it. My eye swelled so much it bruised my cheek and the white was oozing out of the socket- I never knew the white of the eye could swell. So we frantically called places to find an opthamologist and went to an emergency appt. They flushed my eyes and gave me drops and I am fine now- but it was very scary and gross.

our shells (B's footprint, my sparkly shell, and Eric's depiction of me having my allergic reaction)


In other news- tomorrow is the first day of school for teachers- and I would normally be back to work. It is finally hitting me that I am not working anymore- that I am taking this school year off. Before it just felt like the normal summer, but now that my friends are talking about going back and I realize I am staying home- it is hitting me. It is so weird, but I could not be happier about this decision. I feel so fortunate to be able to not go back this year and be home with B
He suddenly is growing leaps and bounds. He seems to have discovered his hands- not in the rooting reflex way like when he was first born, but in a 'i want to suck on these babies' all day long sort of way. He also is smiling and cooing more and more- he is getting SOO fun.

We also hit the 2 month mark- My baby boy is 2 months old?? WOW He got his shots and did pretty well with them- I think it was worse for me then him. And we did our monthly shot with the monkey and chair





Of course here are some pictures

playing with the dog


mr. big eyes

Breastfeeding...

I got a new laptop for my birthday (yay!) so can't update with pictures now... I just dropped off the new and the old at Apple so they can transfer all my photos/music and wipe the old one since it is work issued and I have to return it since I am not going back to school. I didn't want to leave all that personal stuff on it.

Anyway- this blog entry is going to be about breastfeeding and my attitude towards it. I will preface this by saying I recognize the decision to BF is personal and not everyone wants to, not everyone succeeds, etc- so if I say things that sound all gung-ho BF, it isn't a judgement, it is just a reflection on my personal experience with it.

How do I feel about BF'ing? It is great bonding- but, sometimes I like to have a book handy in the nursery for some feedings. I am so proud of myself for making it 9 weeks, and I am in awe of the fact that my little man is thriving from my body alone. It is all biology (which is what I teach) and it really is just an amazing system. I feel so fortunate that it is going well now, and I really just feel proud. I am so happy he is getting the benefits of breastmilk.


But-
I feel doubt. How do I know he is getting enough? How much is he really eating? How do people know if their supply is diminishing (when he starts feeding longer and more often how do you know it is a growth spurt or if supply is decreasing?) BF'ing plagues me with all these doubts. I know he is gaining weight, but I can't help worry. Especially when if he is fussy, the first thing people say is 'oh he must be hungry', well he just ate, well maybe not enough, etc. and it is a vicious cycle of self doubt.

I also feel shame. Not real shame, but some sort of weird self-conscious shame. When Eric and I go out to dinner, we bring a pumped bottle b/c I won't b/f at a restaurant- which I think is valid. I don't judge others who BF in public- but it is not for me. I did do a park bench once, with my hooter hider, which is fine, and I would do it in a ladies lounge- but I am so not a food court or mall bench type of girl- and certainly never a restaurant. I have seen people BF at those places and think nothing of it, but it is so not for me. But anyway- so we were out with friends and pulled the bottle out- and I was embarrassed. I was embarassed my milk was on the table, and wondered what they were thinking. I feel the same way if he spits up, if everyone is judging my curdled milk. We were visiting E's side of the family and I had to feed the boy, and I was embarrassed to say I had to go nurse. I have left the room when we have company to go feed B and feel conspicuous in some way when I return- why I don't know. My FIL said something about BF'ing to me and I almost fell through the floor in embarassment

What the heck is wrong with me?

I am not embarrassed I EBF- I am proud. Really I am. This is one of the most natural things there is, an it angers me that I have this mental issue. I love the time it gives me with B, the bond it gives us, the benefits it offers him, and so much more about nursing.
I guess I should say what is wrong with society that I am having this mental issue with being open about BF'ing. It is a natural thing, I am fortunate it is going so well, and then I have these issues about publicly declaring it. Is it me? sort of. Is it society, definitely. I think it may stem from a fear of other peoples issues with it... I don't know

Anyway- so that is off my chest. There really was not much point to this post- I know I am doing great and I know B is thriving- I just wish that our society was a little more 'european' in their attitude towards this natural thing b/c it has really messed with my head.

Happy Birthday to me- yesterday!

we caught a smile!





It has been a while since we updated here. Our anniversary was nice, since we didn't want to go out to a nice dinner, we enjoyed a living room picnic and had steaks and a bottle of red. It was romantic and actually a nice change to going out.


The weekend was nice and filled with visitors. Eric's sister and BF came to visit saturday, and on Sunday we went over to my Grandmas house (which is only 20 minutes away) because my parents were there fixing things up since it is on the market since she passed away. Eric of course put B in his Metallica hat for company- he loves that thing (by he I mean Eric- although Brooks does not seem to mind it either)




Monday B and I hung out around the house and tried to get things done. He is really getting more and more into his activity mat- staring at things and even grabbing the rings. Brooks and the dog bonded some more since they both get floor time

Look at those thighs :)


Yesterday was my birthday and B bought me a little Vera Bradley ID wallet (and E got me a new laptop since I have to turn this one in to work- YAY!). It was so weird getting a mommy birthday card- made me feel old (but I loved it!) We went out for sushi and 'the boy' slept the whole time- it was nice. I wonder how long we are going to be lucky and have a sleeping baby at restaurants. I think we are 5 for 5 with taking him out to dinner and him sleeping. In honor of my bday he wore an I Love Mommy shirt, and we tried to get a nice picture.





And to end the post- my favorite picture of the week- I finally caught his pout on camera... the boy is pretty good at the lower lip pout :) This look is accompanied by whimpering and about 1 minute from crying.

Passing Time

Happy 4th anniversary to us!!

It is amazing what 4 years can bring

4 years ago:


Now:



It is also amazing what 7 weeks can bring:

7 weeks ago with part of his 'going home' outfit:


Today in the same onesie:

Full Circle

Life around here has been super busy.
I think the hardest part of all this is the lack of routine. It would be much easier to deal with (no sleep included) if we had a semblance of a daily schedule. The best thing is the 5-6 hour stretches of sleep that are coming more and more often. Last night I actually slept 5 hours straight (up to this point I either was awake for some of these long stretches because they start at 9 oclock, or I wake up because my breasts or just my body is used to getting up). I feel fantastic today!

We had a landscaping company come in to clean up our courtyard- now it looks huge!! You can't really see, but the flowers that are in the 1st pic are the ones I picked up for the landscapers to plant, so they are all around along with some black-eyed susans and mulch. It was good timing because we had a party here on Saturday.

Before


After

At 6 weeks old what are we up to?

~ smiling (still not mastered at it, but definitely more and more- we especially get lots first thing when he wakes up for the day)

~tummy time- fighting it less and less, he rolled over twice but I am pretty sure that was accidental, I have yet to see him do it again during tummy time

~laughing- he actually shrieks and chuckles a little at times. Music to my ears

~pouting- he is becoming a master of the lower lip stick out. I am trying very hard to catch it on camera, but the time between the pout and a cry is not too long so it is tough.

I almost caught a smile in the next two:



This one cracks me up

As I said- we had a party this past weekend. On Saturday- we hosted our annual Baggo tournament... I did not take any pictures besides the following of Brooks with Maddy. Hosting a party with a 6 week old is not something I would recommend to anyone- although we did have a good time. There were 3 babies and 4 moms, and 12 men here to drink some beer and play some baggo- a fun time was had by all.

This was Brooks before and during the party- he slept for the first 3 hours of it (Nice!)

(notice the fist- I am not lying when I say he does that all the time in his sleep!)



Brooks flirted with Maddy- the wink got her attention :)



and then they just chilled. (Maddy is 1 yr older than him almost exactly- she is a June baby as well)


After our Baggo tournament we actually took Brooks to a friends house- she is moving out of Philadelphia and had a goodbye party. We stayed for about an hour then walked home and hit the sack. Sunday we spent recovering, cleaning, and walked downtown to check out new phones at verizon
He loves the weekends because he gets lots of Daddy & Ming time!



A picture of me and him- rare! WOW :)



Eric is still making lots of purchases for the boy- this is the latest thing that came in the mail :)


And- new this week. He is definitely responsive and will imitate things like sticking out his tongue. This is Eric's favorite game to play with him. Once he accomplishes imitating the tongue sticking out he either gives a little chuckle or a shriek of delight in his pride :)

I realized as I was making up a scrapbook for Brooks that a lot can change in a year- and how weird is this

June 13, 2008- I got a BFP
June 13, 2009- My EDD

June 17, 2008- I found out I was no longer pg
June 17, 2009- my beautiful boy was born.

I also want to add some thoughts here to some good friends of mine whom I have never even met. There are quite a few women I have known for over a year online in the whole ttc process. I am thinking about each and every one of you and praying you get your bfps. I don't want to name names because who knows what people want out there- but there are people who are going through IVF, IUIs, clomid, and more right now- you are all in my thoughts!