Backwards Progress

so not fair.

Dr's appt today and here is where I stand

dilation: 1 cm (that is good from 0 cm last week!)
effacement: NOT AT ALL (umm, last week I was 50%)
cervix: Still far back (umm, last week it was soft & forward)
station: baby is "really high up" (umm, last week it was engaging and at -2)

Can progress really go that ass backwards? I get the station b/c the kiddo can move, but effacement and cervical position?
I hate to moan about it- I wouldn't moan if I was equal to last week- but to be less progressed than a week ago makes me want to scream and cry.

So yeah- that is where things are
it sux.

I had my membranes stripped today- that was "fun". She also said she was going to try to 'stretch' me out. I feel like I have been fisted by the hulk and am now deathly afraid of this au natural childbirth I had envisioned for myself. I am spotting pretty heavily now, and am seriously sore inside the lady bits- not sure what went on up there. It hurt, but here's to hoping it helped get things moving.

Dr's appts:
OB- besides the progress update my BP was 120/80 (so good not great). My weight was down 3 from last week. She made me feel like I am going to have a huge baby (which is no fair since I have gained a sum total of 17 lbs this pg and while I have been measuring 3-4 weeks ahead, I have been since 26 weeks so ever think it could be just how I am carrying? Growth u/s's show Lester is straddling that 50%tile sizewise) And she said that I have until the 20th to go into labor on my own, and at my next appt (4o wk 4 day) we will put me on the induction schedule.

Any labor dust/vibes you have that I go on my own would be appreciated- pitocin scares me!

NST- we passed, sort of. The baby was definitely moving around as they were hooking me up, and was not staying on the monitor well. Once they adjusted the monitor the baby was asleep and we saw no accelerations for 30 minutes. But they said the ones that were there before they actually had me strapped in counted to say things were looking good. It made me a little uneasy- but I know thy are the overcautious not undercautious type, so all must have been well.
blood pressure at this appt- 110/60.

and that is all my updates for now. maybe i will sit on the couch and rub my nipples while eating something spicy :)