And now I bleed

Both literally and figuratively that is. I bleed with my vicious period, which we all know is more than just a period this time. And my heart bleeds along with my body.

I am doing much better today- or I was until the doctor's office called and said there was 'zero trace of hormone in my blood, zilch' and started talking about potentially getting a false positive. Ummm- I am an addict, and a crazy lady, and maybe wasted my money- but I had 8 fucking positive pregnancy tests so don't tell me it was all fake, that we did not conceive even if for the smallest portion of time. I was pregnant- don't erase that for me. There is no way I got 8 false positives. It is funny how angry my reaction was to that... False positives do happen and the people they happen to are angry and in search of explanation too. I guess it really is not that much different in the end, because in their minds, they were pregnant too... and suddenly are not. It is still a loss- a loss of a dream.

Here are some pictures of my positives- I am not crazy

I found this quote online and thought it summed up my grief beautifully:

"After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for an unlived life. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of the baby who has died. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be."

I was also told by a friend (thanks HL) that "it takes 9 months to make a baby, but only one second to fall in love with one"...
I was in love for 3 days...
and now i bleed