Back under the cloud...

I am having a low day. I suppose it is natural to have days where you are ok, and then days when you are just so down and back under the cloud of depression.
In the past few days a lot of great things have happened to a lot of great people. Eric and I hung out with some coworkers, one was showing off pics of his 2 month old baby girl, another was 5 months pregnant and just popped looking completely adorable with her belly. I opened my email and got 2 things that threw me through a loop- first was the "You're 5 weeks pregnant" email.. immediately unsubscribed to babycenter.com, that sucked to read. Next was pictures from a friend who just had her baby... her daughter was a month early, but is doing great, healthy, and tiny and cute as can be. Fast forward to the Nest- my sanctuary for this ttc journey- there have been a few BFP announcements, which is great.

It makes me hate myself that all this happy stuff is going on, and I am down. I am so happy for people, I don't begrudge them their happiness, I love that great things are going on for people I care about- but after this week, it just burns a little. I guess it is jealousy and grief all rolled into one. I don't like being the unenthusiastic person- and I know I am in a funk... and I feel like as people read this they will think I am a selfish bitch. I am soooo very happy for everyone, I just regret not being happy for myself anymore :(