Crushed

I am feeling really defeated.
I know I should not be so emotional... it is early yet in our TTC journey, but I am absolutely crushed- and I don't even have my period yet for this cycle.
I think a lot of how I am feeling is residual from my chemical pregnancy. I put every bit of myself into this cycle- against all caution I felt such hope. I think that was my coping mechanism for dealing with my loss- immediately throw myself heart and soul into getting pregnant again. This cycle I had everything timed out perfectly, the most EWCM ever, pre conceive lube just in case, positive OPKS, peak days on my CBEFM, sex timed out great, baby aspirin to help with implantation in case that is where my body failed me before, and the best looking chart I have ever had.
Now I am still spotting 2 days in a row and my temps took a drastic dive. I am guessing I will get my period tonight or tomorrow.
I don't think I would be as hopelessly disappointed as I am right now if I had not had the miscarriage. I really think I mentally wonked out of reality and just fooled myself into believing this had to be it, God wouldn't take away my baby and then not give me a new one.
I am crying. I shouldn't be. I know better rationally. I can't stop thinking that that BFP was my one in 12 months, and I won't get another one for a long while- like I used up my conception luck.
I am just so damn sad right now. and I am angry at myself for focusing in on the fact that I shouldn't be spotting for 3 more days and thinking maybe tomorrow my temps will magically go back up, my bleeding will stop, and I will be pregnant- when I know much better than that unfortunately.
Defeated
Sad
Losing hope
Angry
Why?