Confusion & Sadness

So I was on the phone with my sister today, she got an e-mail from her rogue bridesmaid explaining everything. The girl was 15 weeks pregnant for the wedding (Yay for her, great news, so not something you need to hide from the bride) and never told my sister she was pregnant. This was the same bridesmaid who didn't order the gown on time because she 'might' be pregnant and who backed out of the shower 3 days in advance via email saying something came up. When all this happened, I predicted miscarraige. Well- the email my sister received confirmed that. It was a surprise pregnancy, followed by a miscarriage, and then the decision to try again right away. I feel so sorry for the girl and that she had to go through that, but happy that she is pregnant and seemingly healthy this far along.

The confusing part was if she was willing to tell about the miscarriage, why wait until 5 months later and a week after the wedding. At that point it is all done with, why offer up the info now. I completely, unfortunately, understand the need for privacy and everything, but I guess I don't get why she would change her mind. But I also know, that the range of emotions can be so much, that she probably just wasn't ready to share- because I am exactly the same way. I may tell my sister or my parents eventually of our loss, if we go through this journey for much longer I may need to tell.

But regardless, I am not judging her not telling or telling anyone of what they went through- I understand too well how hard that can hit a person. The part that killed me today was when my sister read me her email, and the girl wrote how they had not even told her H's parents about the pregnancy/miscarriage, my sister thought it was soo weird. I defended the girl saying that people keep that private, how they probably didn't announce it, and held myself back from voicing my own feelings of not wanting to tell my parents because 1) i didn't want the looks of pity, and 2) when we do have our great news- I want it to be GREAT news, with no worry or history- just a fantastic announcement to the soon-t0-be grandparents. So when I voiced my opinion my sister said , "you don't understand- they have a relationship with her H's parents like we do with mom & dad,". implying that of course they would tell these set of grandparents-to-be. Meanwhile, no one knows about my miscarriage, I just don't think she gets it because she isn't ttc or anything, and I know she has no idea what is up with me, but that hurt so much. And she wasn't rude, or belittling the girl, just a non-ttc person trying to understand something only those who have ttc really could get. I wanted to just say, well, I had a very early miscarriage last June, but I didn't want to get into it, I still want to save up for my Great news, and now I feel like she would be hurt that I didn't share when it happened.

So now I am sad, even though there was no intention whatsoever on my sister's part for me to feel that way.